Staring blankly
at a wall,
voices swirl
above,
hushed whispers
deciding your fate –
shaking hands
handing over
blades still
tinged with
blood,
failed sins
written out
across wrists
Blue uniform,
sirened car
escorted
to the double
locked doors –
1a.m. a tired
nurse buzzes
you in,
strip-searched
for sharps
but all you have
is shame –
Doctor looks
at you once,
writes a catalog
of pills to lull
you into a
medicated stupor –
Insurance money
is maxed out
you are shuffled
out the door,
and its onto
the next facility –
It turns out others
can stop you
from killing yourself,
but you have to
decide if you
truly want to live –
That moment in
a dark basement
dorm room felt
so permanent,
something that
couldn’t be fixed –
But six months later
an unexpected smile
finds its way
across your lips –
The scary thoughts
may never leave,
but now you know
how to fight back,
you can conquer
anything
after learning
to laugh
freely again –
moments of joy I’ve experienced since my attempt
If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts, please reach out for help. You are not alone.
afsp.org
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255